Best Week Ever

With Super Bowl 46 looming and yet another team & fanbase about to be crushed in that deflating way that only losing a Super Bowl can provide, let’s take a brief, cathartically-sad trip through the Super Bowl depression of yesteryear with this list of The 46 Most Depressing Photos Of People Losing The Super Bowl.

Behold, the singular deflation of players, coaches and fans photographed right after losing the big game, reminding us again that the pain of losing a Super Bowl may be unique, but it’s also universal. Especially if you’re from Buffalo:

46.

44.

43.

BONUS: Palate Cleanser

Drew Brees And His Son After Super Bowl 43:

(All Pics Via Getty Images)

Well, it’s happened America!! Rolling Stone is reporting that American Idol runner-up and favorite person to drink on-camera martinis with, Adam Lambert, has announced that he is going to be replacing the late Freddie Mercury as the lead singer of Queen.

Here’s what Adam had to say about the news:
The intention is to pay tribute to Freddie and the band by singing some f*cking great songs. It’s to keep the music alive for the fans and give it an energy that Freddie would’ve been proud of.

It’s a decision that, while surprising, shouldn’t ruffle too many oversized feather vests. Look, no one can replace Mercury, and that goes double for his mustache. But Lambert’s vocal abilities are certainly up to the challenge for Queen’s passionate repertoire. For example, 99 percent of people who attempt to sing Queen usually end the night on laying on the floor while nursing multiple burst bloodvessels in their foreheads. But Lambert is like a singing version of the chestburster in Alien. The man has no limitations. And what better way to expose his gift to his own fans as well as those of Queen’s than by merging the two?

So while this news will may rub a few Queen fans the wrong way (one brings to mind Arnel Pineda, Steve Perry’s replacement in Journey), I say we should be thankful that there’s another person out there with the vocal ability required to carry on Mercury’s legend while throwing in his own unique twist. (ie Lots of exposed tongue, more eye-makeup, 3x as much thrusting.)

Let’s also take a moment to remember that Lambert actually auditioned for Idol way back when with “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and did the song beautiful justice. Who would have guessed that 3 years later he’d be the LEAD SINGER OF QUEEN???

Click here to listen to Lambert singing a “Show Must Go On/We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” medley with Brian May and Roger Taylor at the 2011 MTV EMAs in Belfast, Ireland.

You can also check out Adam’s brand new music video for “Better Than I Know Myself” over at VH1 Tuner.

UPDATE: Ahead, we have Exclusive VH1 Video of Adam discussing his collaboration with Queen. “There’s more things happening with Queen, that’s all I can say…” For those of you doubters out there.

Music Videos – Free Music Videos

Are you tired of wings being way too easy to make and always tasting great no matter what you do to them? Then LISTEN UP, all of you who just yelled ‘yes’!

Here’s a video of Top Chef Season 6 winner Michael Voltaggio showing you how to make his way-too-complicated version of Super Bowl wings, “Boneless Chicken Wing Confit with Curry and Blue Cheese Disc.” That may sound complicated, but it’s actually WAY MORE COMPLICATED than you’re already expecting, to the point where the idea of anyone ever making this is hilarious:

Got all that? Here’s my favorite step in the recipe:

Hahaha, you got it, words! It’s basically a real-life version of Ted Allen’s Pretentious Foodie Bullsh*t meal from The Onion, only more exaggerated.

(For the record, I posted this video for last year’s Super Bowl, but it’s one of my favorite things ever so here it is again. I’m just trying to help you WOW your friends at this year’s big game, by showing them this recipe so you can all be like “WOW, what a dumb waste of time!” before you eat regular wings.)

The Super Bowl Half-Time Show is almost upon us!! This Sunday, somewhere around your 1400th Bud Light, none other than the Queen of Nutcracker Arms Madonna will take to the stage to perform in front of the 111 million people watching. Joining her on stage will be Nicki Minaj and MIA, meaning this half-time show will be a great day for both women and people whose names start with the letter M (double score!!)

There is already plenty of speculation of what Madonna has in store for us. Will she perform songs from her new album MDNA? Or will she take some mercy on us and perform only the classics minus anything from the Austin Powers franchise?

Personally, I think I have some idea of what the Super Bowl Half-Time Show is going to look like… check out the clip ahead.

Yes, the gore scene from Summer School. It only exists online in French, but really, you don’t need to know what they’re saying.

A photo has emerged of our favorite Earth Angel RuPaul back from when he was 19 in — brace yourself — 1979. (I know “black don’t crack” but this is some deal with the devil sh*t.)

But when seeing his pic, I couldn’t help but notice how much dear Ru resembled one of my other favorite people on the planet, dear friend Tyra Banks. That perfect bone structure, the amazing skin…

THE SMIZING

I am hoping that pointing out this resemblance of these two legendary icons will further up my chances of being asked to be a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race and/or America’s Next Top Model, but only time will tell. (They won’t ask.)

We have a couple more side-by-sides of these two beauty queens ahead. The resemblance is untranny.

Seeing as we are really the only site with such an authority to grant this honor, we’re gonna go ahead and say that SLOTHS… you are having the BEST WEEK EVER. Sure, sloths are pretty much always having great weeks, but what other animal could cause TV actress Kristen Bell to lose her absolute sh*t? Nice try, Baby Wallaby, but not even close.

And what better way to honor an animal having its Best Week of All Time (one might even say… EVER) than with an Ultimate GIF Wall? See, the irony is, it loads almost as slowly as sloths move. That’s some next level sh*t right there. With thanks to GIF-mistress Lauren Deiman for putting this together, we present to you: The Ultimate Sloth GIF Wall… ahead.

The Komen Foundation (the same people from that Planned Parenthood hubbub we just defeated by ‘liking’ our friends’ Facebook statues) is currently sponsoring a new pink handgun in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, for those times when you need people to GET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND BE AWARE OF BREAST CANCER, RIGHT NOW:

Discount Gun Sales has teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Foundation to offer a pink version of its popular Walther P-22 handgun in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month…

An undisclosed portion from the sale of each Walther P-22 “Hope Edition” will be donated to the Seattle Branch of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The gun retails for $429.99.

The Hope Edition has “an exclusive DuraCoat Pink slide in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness month,” according to the promotion. “Utilizing the same reliable controls and firing mechanism that has made the Walther P-22 America’s top selling handgun, the Hope Edition will be a limited production pistol offered exclusively through Discount Gun Sales.”

Alright! First things first, let’s listen to “America, F*ck Yeah!” five times. Second, isn’t this gun already unlockable in N64 Goldeneye? Third, we could probably figure out some literary symbolism in the fact that the organization that came out against Planned Parenthood also sponsored a device designed for ending lives, but we’ll leave that to Robert Frost. He’s dead? Fine, then the Robert Frost Tumblr.

All I’m saying is, Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. Make it happen.

(Thanks, @ryeisenberg!)

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon is a show after our own hearts and wallets. (ie I would like to send him all my money without him even asking.) Because host Jimmy Fallon is using GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES to predict the SUPERBOWL. I mean. Not just any puppies. But like fresh from the dryer GOLDENS. I want to dip their paws in spicy peanut sauce, wrap em in lettuce, and call it an appetizer.

Jimmy managed to get an exclusive interview with the main Puppy Predictor himself, Bruce Mackabee of the New England Patriots (above). Even though this clip is only 2 minutes long, it took me LEGIT 4 minutes to watch, as I kept pausing it to send instant messages to nobody of my entire QWERTY keyboard being smashed by my fists. It’s a hard one to handle, puppy lovers, I’m going to warn you. The high you will experience while viewing may not be worth the awful emptiness you will feel immediately afterwards. But I did it, and you should too.

What are you guys doing for the Superbowl? I’m going to be doing the backstroke in a mango margarita somewhere while wearing a NY GIANTS t-shirt with an arrow pointing up to my face.

And sure, I’ll pretend to watch the Superbowl, laugh and clap along with the others, but behind my empty gaze this is what I’ll really be seeing:

I have no idea what this tastes like but I know what those two words mean so GIMME GIMME GIMME:

That’s right – Jack In The Box has introduced a Bacon Milkshake as party of their “If you like bacon so much, why don’t you marry it?” campaign, which is actually just a whimsical advertising slogan and not an actual suggestion, as a Justice of the Peace recently informed me.

I love that the ad even says “It’s for real,” like Jack In The Box kind of knows they’re cheating with this one. “The new Bacon Shake – we’re not sh*tting you, we really did this!”

Just gotta check the Jack In The Box ‘store locator’ to find the nearest location in New York City and the Bacon Shake SHALL BE MINE…

NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Damn you West Coast, with your Jack In The Boxes and fancy weather and skateboards and big boom boxes that you blast early-90s hip hop from while roller skating around the boardwalk that runs up the entire coast. I’ll see you in a few hours once I check Orbitz…

(via Eater)

It’s Friday, so you know what that means: THERE IS CONTROVERSY IN FRANCE! And this time, it’s slightly surprising. Above, a poster for the upcoming film Les Infidèles (The Players), which are currently plastered all over France, a country lucky because they get to stare at actor Jean Dujardin roughly 15 times as often as we lowly Americans. Well, it seems that this poster is “trop chaud pour la télé” (too hot for TV), as various uptight French citizens have sent in complaints that the posters are too sexy and/or sexist. Versus the real reason to complain: Those legs will never be my own.

This is also the first trailer for a French film that I forced myself to sit through even though there were no subtitles and I speak zéro French. It reads (watches?) sort of like a French Wedding Crashers plus brief frontal female nudity (Fellas! NSFW). On the bright side, Jean Dujardin plays a huge assh*le, which translates loosely into “It’s like porn for super damaged women!” I loved it.

You can watch the trailer ahead, along with a BONUS SEXXXXXX POSTER THAT’S 2 HOT 4 FRANCE! If you speak French, feel free to translate the trailer and leave it in the comments. I’m genuinely curious. Also, Americans, keep your eyes out for this film in 2014, when it will probably be released here.

Several years ago, Doritos held a contest where fans submitted their own homemade commercials and the winning ad got to air during the Super Bowl. Obviously, the one that ended up getting voted in involved a person getting hit in the balls (seriously), and history unfolded as we know it (the whole Gaddafi thing, etc.)

The following ad from Pete Holmes, Matt McCarthy, and Oren Brimer was one of the five finalists in the contest, but it sadly lost out (#Ballsgate – never forget). It remains to this day the best Super Bowl commercial of all time, even though it never rightfully aired.

Websites dust off their “Greatest Super Bowl Ads Of All Time” lists every year, but their lame Budweiser Frogs and Pepsi Truckers can’t hold a candle to Doritos Beer:

I’ve watched this upwards of 50 times now in my life, and the ending gets me every time. Also, these should exist. That’s all.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning, and us Game Of Thrones fans all know what that means…

Oh great, another character to remember?? Ahh, can’t complain, just happy to see any images of that show during this dark Thronesless winter. Can’t wait til that show comes back and we get to see the groundhog decapitate someone and/or get naked.

(Pic by God Of Nerds via MTV Geek, thought it appears Alex Zalben may have had the idea first, I just really enjoy the version with the sword. Doesn’t matter, we all just get sucked into the HuffPo turbine in the end anyway. Good ‘shoppin, Internet!)

David Glendon, an actor in Kilkenny, Ireland, just earned himself a trip to the Oscars by winning a local bar’s George Clooney Lookalike Contest. Just take one look at him from across the room while squinting and you can definitely see why:

HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE CLOONS!!!!!!!! Are we SURE this pic is undoctored?? They have to be twins. Are we POSITIVE they’re not twins? I demand a DNA test.

Alright, fine, so maybe he doesn’t look ‘exactly’ like George Clooney, but it makes sense when you see the runners-up:

Still not convinced? Then just try to pick out the real George Clooney in this photo:

IT’S LIKE LOOKING INTO A MIRROR!!! One of those fun house mirrors that completely distorts your appearance but retains your gender and race and keeps your age within a two-decade ballpark. (The real George Clooney is the one on the right, for the record).

Have fun at the Oscars, dude! Just don’t trick Stacy Keibler into going home with you!!! ***WINK***

(via Pop Culture Brain)

It’s Groundhog Day, and we on the internet are struggling to greet this holiday the same way we greet every holiday: With themed, numbered lists blatantly designed to capitalize on otherwise extremely minor events (think 11/11/11). Rather than conceding that there just aren’t many Groundhog Day related things and miss this golden opportunity, we have instead spent the day doing intensive pop culture research and engaging in passionate staff debates to come up with the following informative list that you should totally send to all your friends.

Behold, The Top 2 Groundhog-Day-Related Movies In Cinematic History:

2. Groundhog Day

This Bill Murray / Andie MacDowell classic functions expertly as an enjoyable, watchable comedy and as an insightful philosophical exploration of fate, love, inevitability, and self-betterment. It is, in our personal estimation, unquestionably one of the greatest films ever made about the holiday Groundhog Day.

And the #1 Groundhog Day-related movie of all time is……….

1. The Godfather

A gripping tale of family, loyalty, idealism and corruption, The Godfather truly is one of the greatest films of all time, and I think part of it might take place in or around February, I can’t really remember. But it counts, right? Just look at that poster. BOOM! WE HAVE A LIST.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this expedition through cinematic history. Don’t forget to argue about our selections in the comments and to share this valuable list on Facebook and Twitter while Groundhog Day is still trending!

It’s Top Chef Texas episode 13 entitled Bike, Borrow & Steal, meaning the chefs will have to bike around San Antonio, borrow kitchens from local restaurants, and apparently steal sh*t? “I’m not here to steal pens,” they all keep telling the camera, then Beverly cries somewhere.

For the Quickfire, the chefs walk in to see a giant table full of pancakes that end up not getting used in any way so f*ck you, 19th century street urchins:

Remember last week when the chefs did a benefit for the Healthy Choice ‘End Childhood Hunger’ campaign? A decent start would’ve been giving those 4,000 pancakes to some kids.

Oop, no time for talky talk because Pee-Wee Herman is here!

P.W. Herman introduces himself and challenges the chefs to make the best-tasting pancake they can, with or without using an elaborate Rube Goldberg breakfast contraption. Grayson and Lindsay BOTH literally say that they grew up always making pancakes then watching Pee Wee’s Playhouse, which I’m sure are two separate things that they did at some point in their lives, but there’s no way both chefs routinely did the most applicable-to-this-challenge thing imaginable. “Growing up, we always used to cook chicken for Pee Wee Herman in The Alamo on the show Top Chef…”

When we saw the pile of pancakes, I thought for sure the guest judge was gonna be John Candy’s SCTV “3-D Theater” character:

Grayson wants to make her pancakes in the shape of Minnie Mouse, because that’s a kid type thing and so is Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and she just totally nails it:

Pee-Wee tastes all the pancakes and makes lots of faces, declaring every pancake ‘the best pancake he’s ever had,’ and of course Paul wins his 9,000th consecutive challenge. Wait, actually Ed wins! Sorry, I’ve just been Control-V’ing results from week to week. Congrats, other chefs! You guys hang in there – who knows, one of you might even beat Paul! One of you might even be President of the United States someday! You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Just clap your hands and move your feet, now listen to that rockin’ beat… (I’ve been workshopping my school assembly spiel, in case a school calls me and asks me to do an assembly for them. Hasn’t happened yet. Wait – haven’t checked my phone in like an hour. Yep still hasn’t happened. I’ll keep you posted.)

Ed wins $5,000 reupholstered by Healthy Choice. They haven’t really done any Quickfire ‘advantages’ this season after taking Immunity off the table, but I guess the advantages usually just backfired anyway – “You had first choice if protein and you STILL messed this up you STUPID S.O.B.???” (Remember when Gail constantly screamed that sentence at people verbatim?)

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs will have to hop on bikes, like in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, and find random ingredients around San Antonio then cook them in other peoples’ restaurants, like in Big Top Pee-Wee (it’s been awhile since I’ve seen that). As the chefs set off, Paul looks at the camera with an EXTREMELY knowing facial expression, as if to say “If you’re not just gonna declare me the winner now, I’ll do your dumb biking challenge, just remember how polite I’m being when you eventually do name me Top Chef”:

The chefs take turns approaching restaurant owners that have clearly been informed by producers and signed 70 releases – or maybe the chefs just burst in spontaneously and asked “Hey mind if me and my camera crew cook and film here and also mic all of you right before you respond?” and the cooks were like “Uhhh, DUHHHH, WINNING!” (this was filmed like a year ago).

Some chefs end up in good situations, like Ed, who cooks in a comfortable bed and breakfast with two nice people who make him cook eggs for their customers; others, like Lindsay, end up getting shafted out of multiple locations and having to make due:

The cooking parts run surprisingly smoothly; my favorite part was when Grayson asked a cook at her Mexican restaurant, “Como Esta?” and he just responded with a completely unenthused and uninflected “Good.” That Mexican cook probably also cringes whenever Aaron Sanchez pronounces Spanish things on Chopped. We should probably hang out.

The chefs finish prepping and bike on over to The Alamo to finish up cooking in THE ALAMO’S KITCHEN WHAT THE F*CK?

It was so never explained what that kitchen was or how the chefs entered a small side door at THE ALAMO and were in THE ALAMO’S KITCHEN. There’s no basement at the Alamo, but there is a nicely redecorated, fully-equipped homely kitchen big enough for five chefs?

I guess I never saw that 2004 movie with Billy Bob Thornton:

FUN MOVIE FACT: For The Alamo, they actually just re-released Hidalgo and CGI’d an Alamo into the background of some scenes and no one noticed.

The chefs serve their dishes and it’s a classic “Guest Judge Who Isn’t A Chef” episode, because Pee-Wee basically loves everything, as most non-chefs probably would when being served five painstakingly-prepared free dinners by five working restaurant chefs in competition with one another, so it’s up to Tom and Gail to appreciate his compliments but slowly plant seeds of doubt about what the chefs screwed up. Pee-Wee does note that Ed’s chicken has a weird texture, which prompts the other best quote of the episode, when Tom begins his reply “I agree with Pee-Wee…”

The chefs head to Judges’ Table, where Pee-Wee sits more believably-stoically than Emeril does when he’s on:

Lindsay wins the Elimination Challenge for her Stuffed Zucchini with Braised Beef Cheeks, Rice and Goat Cheese. Lindsay’s actually been pretty good this season, and to borrow an NFL Playoffs cliche, may be “getting hot at the right time.” Not hot enough to beat Paul, obviously, but like, slightly unseasonably humid.

So who’s going home? We’ll find out right after this funny-every-time Bravo graphic:

Paul is deemed safe, so he can leave. The judges notice he already left like 20 minutes ago. They’re like “That’s weird but we understand.” Ed seems to have screwed up the worst with his rubbery chicken (though Tom explained on the subsequent Watch What Happens Live that their longer conversation about Grayson’s mistakes was edited out), Sarah underseasoned her eggs, and Grayson had a giant chicken breast (something people OFTEN complain about) and mixed squash with tomatoes, which is a big Fall-meets-Summer no-no (like putting Katherine Heigl into a June blockbuster).

Ultimately, Grayson is eliminated for her Egg, Spinach and Gorgonzola Stuffed Chicken and Butternut Roasted Squash. She takes the defeat with a very upbeat early-90s-rap attitude:

We’re down to just four chefs, plus one more chef who gets rescued via Last Chance Kitchen (Top Chef’s answer to the Singled Out Golden Life Preserver). I watched the Beverly vs. Grayson clip online and they didn’t announce the winner. As a protest to this waste of time, I’m peeing on the next Toyota I see. Although, I can’t imagine they’ll just be like “Hey, Grayson’s back” – I’m sure they’ll give it to Beverly so there’s some intrigue and so Last Chance Kitchen doesn’t feel like they just deleted a week of Top Chef.

Either way, it’s time for Part 1 of God Knows How Many of the Top Chef Texas Finale!!! Who knows WHAT will happen between now and when Paul is named the winner????

Top Chef Pee-Wee Episode Thoughts? Do Ed, Lindsay, Sarah, or Beverly have any chance of knocking off Paul? Any updated thoughts on the season? Stuff we missed? Random Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure quotes? Leave ‘em in the comments.

I hesitate to continue writing about Michael Fassbender, because I fear he might take that Ryan Gosling turn where, all of a sudden, we’re sick of him. Even though the guy is kind of a d*ck, we just can’t help but be drawn to him. And I will say that while I wake up every morning insisting that “today I will not post about Fassbender,” when a photo of him accepting a piggyback ride from a gentleman emerges after he was allegedly kicked out of a party for “being too much fun,” well, readers… here we are.

According to witnesses at the after-party for his new film A Dangerous Method:
Michael was politely asked to leave. He was in good spirits but it was becoming a bit of a handful for the other guests.

He was grabbing his co-stars and waltzing around the room with them. He lit a cigarette indoors and that was the point it had gone too far.

So, let me understand: Baaazically, they threw him out for being the best? Just want to wrap my head around this…

Fassy had this to say:

More photos of “Casual Fass” ahead. Am I the only one who finds Dad jeans hot? Hello?? *DIAL TONE* Fine.

[Via WENN]

And thus, The Magic Of Carvel. Yes, legendary modern American composer Philip Glass turned 75 years old on Tuesday, and appeared on the WNYC show “Soundcheck” hosted by John Schaefer. To celebrate this momentous occassion for such a revered, respected, award-winning man, John and his team presented glass with a Cookie Puss ice cream cake from Carvel. To which I have to do the Charles S. Dutton slow clap from Rudy. Because ice cream cakes are DELICIOUS. Despite its almost haunting, goggly-eyed face, Cookie Puss is a legend in his own right.

You can listen to the interview here. “If you don’t have a sense of humor about yourself, then you’re really in a lot of trouble.” — Philip Glass.

I should point out that I have sliiight beef with Glass. I have many of his albums on my Itunes, and sometimes, on a whim, perhaps getting ready to go out, I’ll put my entire library on shuffle. For whatever reason, my Itunes insists on shufflin’ on over to Glass about every 4 songs, no excpetions. This means I’ll go from a Britney Spears number directly into the long, monotonous moan of a cello for 2 hours with a child crying over it. (He wrote that, right?)

That being said, Happy Birthday Philip! My source tells me he loved his Cookie Puss cake. (Obviously. He’s a human being.)

Corgis are the world’s perfect dog breed: Small legs, huge fat bodies, pointy ears, and a perma dog smile. But corgis also have their downfalls: Bad backs (see: huge fat bodies), loud barks, walking them, picking their sh*t up, and dog stink that, to be fair, is an issue with all dogs. If only there was a cat… that looked exactly LIKE a corgi… so many of these problems would take care of themselves.

Oh, hold on, phone.

“Hello? WHAT. No. OK, I’m opening it… hold on!! The computer at work is slow…

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS I NEED IT

Here’s a brief but excellent supercut of several dozen overhead shots in Wes Anderson movies.

There might’ve been a time on the internet where I would’ve typed that sentence then been like, “Wow, that is a really specific focus for a supercut,” but those days are long behind me, as my reaction instead was, “Sounds about right. Is it short? NICE. Good work, fellas!” [Bunch of dirty guys in construction hats give me a thumbs up]

Prepare to react to this way too dryly:

(via Film Drunk)

We at BestWeekEver may not be big on blatant shilling, but today, we’re talking PUPPIES. FOR ADOPTION. And quasi-famous ones at that! Today on Big Morning Buzz Live [VIDEO], some of the Puppy Bowl’s finest athletes stopped by, turning the VH1 headquarters into Squeetown, USA. Stop everything you’re doing and get some puppy goodness in your life.

Want to take one of these darling furballs home? Plug his or her name (see GIF above) into Petfinder to apply. Cutest GIF wall ever after the jump!

[GIF magic & photos: GustoNYC]