Best Week Ever

In my ongoing efforts to broaden my mind as a human being, today I…

1) Became aware of Disney’s BLAM!

2) Then proceeded to watch this Disney BLAM! parody for Up:

Not to overexaggerate, but today has been the greatest day of my or anyone else’s life. All downhill from here.

Ok, 2010 Earth, we get it — we all love Betty White. Everyone loves Betty White. We used to love her, we still love her, we love her when she makes cameos, we love her when she hosts SNL, we love her when she swears, we love her when she pokes fun at herself — the lovelist goes on and on.

That said, does the world really need a Betty White graphic novel?

The sudden overwhelming deluge of Betty White support over the past year has been universally enjoyable, but the longer it’s gone on, with everyone internet-wide constantly making a deliberate effort to proclaim superlative love for the veteran actress over and over again, the more it’s bordered on sounding patronizing towards her. I’m not doubting peoples’ enthusiasm for Betty White, and I certainly share it, but at this point, it’s almost as if people are just fashionably professing their Betty White fandom in order to seem impressively open-minded by loving a humble veteran actress instead of something trendy (creating, ironically, its own trend).

I’m not actually mad at the Betty White comic book — celebrity comic books certainly aren’t unprecedented — but it’s the latest installment in an ongoing fad that’s veering from genuine support into the realm of trendy condescension. When we organically appreciate someone, we don’t need to constantly be yelling about how awesome that person is. We know Betty White is great, internet – let’s relax.

That random rant out of the way, three more pages from the Betty White graphic novel — the Betty White graphic novel — are after the jump:

Yesterday, I brought you the more “professional” side of my interview with musician Travie McCoy. Buttt remember how we were, like, drinking for 30 straight minutes? Basically, a lot of hilarious sh*t went down during our time together, so much so that we were able to string together the funniest moments in the following “outtakes” reel.

Whether you love us or hate us, do yourself a favor and watch this. Travie shows us his passport, talks about “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” tells us a little bit about being the Godfather to Bronx Mowgli Wentz (Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s son), and, most importantly, gets drunk and falls in love with me. Hopefully, you will too.* Enjoy.

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*You obviously hate me now.

On the bright side, I have gotten a manicure since this interview. Always be ready for a hand close-up, Collins.

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Today’s “Random Internet Video That Isn’t Topical But Is So Painstakingly Done It’s Impressive Anyway” Trophy goes to this video, a mash-up of The Big Lebowski and The Matrix in which The Dude finally sits down with Morpheus. Congrats on winning that specific trophy, this video – the font engraved on the trophy is really small so the name of it fits.

Between this and Star Wars Bohemian Rhapsody, it’s been a busy week for way-too-time-consuming-to-make, non-topical viral videos. As we speak, someone in a remote shack off Lake Michigan is dropping Mister Belvedere into an episode of SilverHawks…

(via Gorillamask)

This is what happens when I fly: First, I get a seat in the middle that can’t recline. Then I sit next to someone who is not as hot as I had hoped. Then I pray that I won’t die. Then I think about all the recycled air I’m breathing and if I’m going to get tuberculosis. Then I think about all the people in business class and first class who avoided my gaze as I walked past them. And I curse them, just audibly enough to weird out the people on either side of me. Then I awkwardly graze the person to my right’s butt as I reach for my seat belt. Then I pray that I won’t die again. Then, if the person next to me is moderately hot, I try to showcase whatever pretentious book I have with me, which is purely for show, in the hopes of sparking a conversation. Barring that (which has never happened), I watch Current TV. If I’m lucky (How good is Current TV??). This has never happened to me:

This is not a stunt, this is just what happens on sophisticated airlines in sophisticated European countries when a plane is delayed. The Amsterdam Sinfonietta pops out and entertains you. I think they also get free wine. Bastards.

Via Daily What

Let’s face it. Our lives are barely worth living during the times when the Amazing Race is on hiatus. Rarely an evening goes by when we don’t find ourselves bolting upright from our slumber, screaming out for one more glimpse at Phil Keoghan’s raised eyebrow. If you suffer from the same affliction, we have good news for you: A new season of the Amazing Race starts on Sunday, September 26! Speaking of which, our buddy James Hubbard over at the Hollywood Reporter tipped us off about the video from the new season that you see above, a terrifying moment in which a contestant on the show finds herself knocked silly after a catapult challenge involving watermelons goes awry. Gallagher, you’ve done it again!

And, lest you think we’ve forgotten about the scene of Phil in his skivvies from a few seasons back, we haven’t! Click through for a hilarious GIF from one of our favorite moments in television history.

BOOM!

A friend of mine with a keen sense of things I deeply love just sent me this Amazon customer review of the Batman And Robin soundtrack (and when I say “friend,” I actually mean it, I swear I wasn’t randomly looking to buy the Batman And Robin soundtrack. Crap, now I sound more defensive. Also my friend is impotent. This is getting worse. Gonna get out of these parenthesis asap..)

Here is the most passionate, enthusiastic, and comprehensive endorsement of the Batman And Robin movie soundtrack I have ever seen, written in 2005, a lean eight years after the movie came out.

You can READ the REVIEW after the JUMP. Spoiler – The phrase “heartbreaking meditations on the human condition” comes up in this review of the Batman And Robin movie soundtrack:

Ok, though, enough loving this review LOL. He makes an awfully compelling case — for some reason, snooty and misinformed American critics just never fully appreciate dialogue like this. Buncha AMERICAN IDIOTS.

(via Matt Little)

Warning: This hot new track from 9 year old Willow Smith could result in neck injuries and face injuries caused both by whipping one’s own hair and being struck by other’s rapidly whipped hair.
BUT THAT’S WHAT BEING PUNK IS ALL ABOUT.
And by “punk” I of course mean a sleek dance club hit brought to you by Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith’s daughter, The Karate Kid: The New Class’s Jaden Smith’s sister. She’s a precocious one. Take a listen. And contemplate an up-do like this.

Whip My Hair – Willow Smith by Rap-Up

Via Rap-Up

Being well in-tune to the finer things in life, I consider myself an avid connoisseur of Harrison Ford interviews; each one is different, each one is hilarious in its own way, and each one instantly reminds you that this human being who is being interviewed would be better off if he were not being interviewed.

So when I came across this 70s Harrison Ford interview recorded just as Star Wars was beginning to gain popularity, my highly-developed Ford-interview palate began to tingle, and sure enough, the video didn’t disappoint. It doesn’t start to get awesomely Harrison Fordy until around the 3:30 mark, but once he mentions the “well of energy,” he is off and running:

(via MTV Movies Blog)

Here’s a scruffy, recently birthday’d Keanu Reeves caught on camera flagrantly breaking the law. It clearly says NO LOITERING. And correct us if we’re wrong, but Keanu is the very definition of “Loitering.”

On the bright side, ahead we have a photo of Keanu laughing while performing Shakespearean monologues to no one in particular.

[Photos: Splash News Online]

I get it. I finally “get” Snooki. I couldn’t tell you exactly why. It might be the confluence of all the things going on-just a perfect storm of props. Seemingly completely disparate objects-Snooki and a book (about POWER no less-I guess this makes three books she’s read?), Snooki and glasses, a book and a playground horse, winter boots and a summer dress. But together, it all makes sense. A harmonious whole. Not just this photo, life. Don’t worry, everyone. I think we’ll be OK.

Via The Superficial

Google’s homepage logo today is made up of a bunch of balls:

When you scroll over the balls, they bounce around and stuff:

Cool, harmless, fun time-waster, right?

Or maybe, like anytime Google does anything, the internet has gone apesh*t and declared this the MYSTERY OF THE CENTURY:

Might’ve Photoshopped in that purple one myself, but who’s counting?

That’s just a handful of the 200+ stories online today trying to make sense out of Google’s harmlessly entertaining homepage, thus officially making it the Mystery of the Century. Unfortunately, there will not be many great mysteries in the next 90 years, as this one is already the one of the century, according to me.

Can anyone solve it? The New York Daily News offers this hard-hitting exposé:

“Today’s doodle is fast, fun and interactive, just the way we think search should be,” a spokesperson told the Daily News.

So is there a Google logo hidden message?

“We’ll leave it at that,” the spokesperson said.

According to London’s The Guardian, the bounty of bouncing balls is about CSS3, a new version of the popular web code used to design websites. CBS suggests it could relate to a birthday.

WE’LL LEAVE IT AT THAT??? How am I supposed to waste a couple minutes bouncing balls around my screen without knowing the precise reason for why I am able to do this??

Looks like we finally have a “Who Shot J.R.?” for our generation. We’ll just never know the answer. Wait, they answered “Who Shot J.R.?” 30 years ago? Oh. Then maybe this will be answered 30 years ago. I made an analogy and I’m sticking to it.

To be fair, we’re being a bit sh*tty about Angelina Jolie here, as she’s visiting Pakistan in an effort to help the millions of people devastated by the recent flooding there. But really, she couldn’t find a less Star Warsy burka? And, you know, not look like a 35 year old skeleton?

I can’t even hate on this woman, though. Sith Lord it up, Ang! You still look ameezeeng. Continue about your business.

I mean, of course they do. This is so not a big surprise. Isn’t Romania where Transylvania is? Yes, it is. It’s where Vigo the effing Carpathian is from. I’m surprised that this is fake blood. Also where’s the mountain of skulls? Castle of Pain? (Cranes neck) I don’t see it…Well, I guess I’ll take what I can get. Anyway, this fountain ‘o blood comes to you from Unirii Boulevard, Bucharest, Romania (Transylvania Adjacent-TransAd-is what the real estate people say). It’s a promotion for Hemophilia awareness. You know, ’cause with Hemophilia, your bood runs like water. Can’t clot, won’t clot. Because you’re a 19th century inbred European princess. Ugh, I WISH. Anyway, here it is.

The Swedish Bed has more photos and a videos

Via NY Mag

Hulk Hogan Tweeted a video from his hospital bed today to answer some of his fans’ burning questions about:

1) How he injured his butt.
2) How his butt is currently feeling.
3) How far he can move his butt today in relation to yesterday.

I haven’t heard this much butt conversation since the show Salute Your Shorts tweeted from its hospital bed:

(via The Fab Life)

This is a recap for the seventh episode of Season 4 of Mad Men starring Jon Hamm, Christina Hendricks, John Slattery, January Jones, and a slew of other talented actors, on an episode called “The Suitcase.” And here is your For Your Consideration Recap:

IF “COMING TO AMERICA” HAD STARRED WHITE PEOPLE, IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED LIKE THIS:

Are you guys ready for the most racist Mad Men episode yet? It’s a good thing Matthew “Hebrew National” Weiner wrote this episode or I would be drafting a lengthy BBM to the Anti-Defamation League about how of COURSE the new shifty-eyed short guy is “such a Jew.” In other news, my Celebrity Math in last week’s recap was totally off. Danny = Jon Lovitz. There really isn’t any math involved at all.

And if you have no idea what scene we’re referring to, learn Hungarian and click here.



MEET IDA BLANKENSHIP, HILARIOUS LADY OH WAIT SHE’S RACIST

“If I wanted to see two negroes fight, I’d throw a dollar bill out my window.” We’re exactly two minutes into this episode, and already there have been two racist atomic bombs dropped in the offices of Sterling Cooper. Pretty sure I sat down to watch the new Mad Men and not the sequel to Crash (GOD FORBID).



AS THOUGH HE WASN’T ALREADY ADORABLE, LET’S GIVE HIM A FOOTBALL AND HAVE HIM PLAY JOE NAMATH

Ughhhhh we love him. Look at that still. It’s like Norman Rockwell porn! Could it get any better? Yes:



HOL’ UP: IS THIS WHAT HAPPENED TO WES BENTLEY?

The resemblance is striking. And when I look at him… Screencaps are a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… and I need to remember… Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in.



THE KING IS NOT PLEASED

So Peggy and her crew, dejected, take their pointy felt hats elsewhere to try and brainstorm a new Samsonite campaign.



SWEETEST BOYFRIEND BIRTHDAY SURPRISE

A bouquet of flowers at work. That is so sweet. Peggy should get on the phone and thank him for being the best boyfriend ev–



“MYELLOOOO?”

The flowers were sent by Duck. DUCK! And not just Duck, but Drunk Duck. He really does have a whiskey d*ck for that gal, don’t he?



SLICKEST GIFT

Future Business Cards. I wish I could find a man to send me 500 free Vista Prints… Though, in all fairness, he really outdid himself with that Hermes scarf a couple of years ago.



“TAMPAX: THEY’RE REALLY UP THERE!”

Duck came up with a genius Tampax campaign without even knowing it. I mean, they are seriously up there. And good lord, I had no idea Tampax makes up 50 percent of the market share!! Do you know how my p-blood that could absorb?



A SHINING ELEVATOR FULL OF BLOOD’S WORTH!

CLIO Worthy!



“YOU BEEN FARTING IN HERE?: THE PEGGY OLSEN STORY”

If the racism wasn’t enough to make you cringe, prepare for the most slapstick, gross-out toilet humor television hour since the 1993 Salute Your Shorts Summer Special. Side note: A Don Draper Awful Waffle is our new unrealized fetish. Speaking of which…



BEST WORST IMAGERY

Miss Blankenship to Don: “You gotta call while you were on the toilet.” Don… on the… toilet? No… No… Actually, you know what, I bet you he’s still fully dapper and gentlemanly while on the bowl. It would probably look something like this:

SO WHAT DID THE MESSAGE SAY?

Pretty much.



MOST UNLIKELY PAIRING

Two women impregnated by Pete Campbell: Peggy and his wife Trudy, who chatted it up in the bathroom despite the fact that Trudy was wearing a giant Carvel Ice Cream Cake Whale.



WTF GIF THAT SUMS UP PETE’S REACTION

Watching the panic set in over and over again does not get any less entertaining.



QUOTE MOST LIKELY TO HAVE ALSO BEEN UTTERED BY BRUCE VILANCH

“I want a rare steak and I want to see those two men pound each other.” — Trudy/All Gay Bears



“MMMMMY-OINK?”

Peggy had to break the news to her boyfriend Mark that she wasn’t going to be on time to her birthday dinner.



MEANWHILE, PEGGY’S FAMILY

Diiiiiiidn’t really care.



UNSYMPATHETICIEST

“Oh, it’s your birthday? Well boo-f*cking-hoo Peggy. THERE ARE SUITCASES THAT MUST BE SOLD. Want me to dial Whine-1-1?? Because your F*CKING RIDE IS HERE!!!!”

PEGGY ET MARK: SONT MORTS

The beautiful budding romance between Peggy and her boyfriend Mark has come to an end. Peggy chose work over dining with him, her roommate, and her assy family. That’s a dealbreaker, ladies.



ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!

Pretty sure Mark already has a new girlfriend… Peggy’s roommate.



DON CRANKS IT UP TO “TERRIFYING”

Peggy’s birthday? Breaking up with her boyfriend? Sympathy? From Don? Um, no. This is the same man who saw his father die after he got kicked in the face by a horse.



THE TWO PEOPLE PEGGY SHOULD THANK EVERY MORNING, IN ONE CONVENIENT IMAGE

That’s Don Draper and Jesus (Left, right? Left.) Even Jesus is like “Get out of here while you can, Peg.” Seriously, look at his face. That, or he just realized he forgot to DVR “Dating in the Dark.”



MEET YOUR EMMY WINNING SCENE

The acting in this episode was top notch, but special credit has to be given to to Elisabeth Moss for her incredible ability and naturalness. (Word? Sure.) This crying scene in particular? It was so good, in fact, that this time Don called up the

WHAMBULANCE

Because everything she wants is everything she needs.



ROGER… AND MISS BLANKENSHIP?!

As my friend and radio superstar Derek Hartley postulated merely weeks ago, Roger Sterling put it in Miss Blankenship. She was a hellcat!! You know, under that blue hair and those hideous glasses, I could see it being true. Don better stop it with the drink or next thing you know, we’ll be treated to the most unappetizing Mad Men sex scene since Bert Cooper got his balls chopped off.



WE DARE YOU TO GOOGLE IMAGE ORCHIECTOMY

This is about as much as we can reveal of our eye-plucking findings. In a related story, I will also never eat orecchiette again.



QUOTE THAT MADE US REALIZE HOW THE ENTIRE SERIES WILL END

“You know what, there’s a way out of this room we don’t know about.” Could it be that Don is foreshadowing his own death/the end of the series?



FALLING OUT OF HIS WINDOW?

It would kind of be perfect.



THE MOST EXCITING THING ABOUT A SUITCASE

Is obviously waiting for it at the baggage carousel. A little unspoken competition between you and all the other passengers on your airplane to see who can get out of the airport fastest. A reunion, a belongings reunion, where all of your things are conveniently conveyor belted to your very feet, where sometimes Herculean strength is needed to reclaim what is rightfully yours. Feeling proud when you see your pricey gear laying next to various battered black lugagge who act as hammocks for cats when not being used. Yes, I do believe the baggage carousel is not only the most exciting thing about a suitcase, but, in fact, our lives.



“LET’S GO SOMEWHERE DARKER”

And less cockroach-doggy.



NO OFFENSE TO YOU LADYBUG DOG

“None taken.”



THINGS THAT MIGHT BE CONSIDERED INAPPROPRIATE AT OTHER WORKPLACES

“You’re cute as hell,” Don tells Peggy, while they both numb the inner bruises on their soul with liquor. Good thing Don also wrote SCDP’s Sexual Harassment Policy, where you get fired if you don’t sleep with your secretaries enough. With all this talk between Peggy and Don and their apparent bonding, I started to wonder… was Don going to sleep with Peggy tonight?



OBVS NO

ALL WOMEN REALLY DO MAKE THIS FACE IN A MEN’S ROOM

THEN, DUCK TOOK A DUMP IN STANLEY KUBRICK’S TOILET

Look away, Chauncey.



MEET THE MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF TONIGHT’S FABULOUS SOUND EFFECTS

Composer of my favorite song.



YOU KNOW, DUCK’S NOT THE WORST LOOKING GUY

Just saying… in this light… with his pants around his ankles… I bet he was a handsome youngster. Sincerely, Sociopath. Don vs. Duck wasn’t so much a battle of wits as it was a battle of sh*ts. In their drunken hazes, they used Peggy’s loyalty as the impetus to get into a hilarious flail festival where neither of them landed a single punch.



HE EVEN BROUGHT PEGGY NEW BUSINESS CARDS!

The XXX Address all the more apropos.



WHERE HAVE WE SEEN THIS BEFORE?

OH RIGHT.

MEET THE NEWEST CHARACTER ON MAD MEN, PUKEY

Aww, he’s sort of cute. For a Jew Bastard. (Running with the theme here, people, relax. — Me, a Jew.)



AT ONCE THE SADDEST AND SWEETEST IMAGE EVER

They’re kind of a great dysfunctional match, Don and Peggy. Obsessive, stubborn, with giant bone skeletons haunting their closets. It is somehow the most hopeful thing I’ve seen on television all decade.



THEY HAD TO RUIN IT, DIDN’T THEY?

Glad to see the same technology that went into making the 1993 classic Heart and Souls is back and shmaltzier than ever.



HE EVEN CRIES MANLY

Seeing Don cry is like seeing your father cry. It goes against every natural human fiber in your soul, and you know that when it happens, sh*t is f*cked. Unless your father is like mine, and cries at the end of every movie/when you read your college application essays out loud, in which case it is business as yoozh. Extra credit to Jon Hamm for being so incredibly natural.



WORST WALK OF SHAME EVER

To the elevator and back, on top of which she didn’t even have sex with anyone. And between all the drinking and empty hallways, “The Suitcase” played like the perfect middle to 28 Days and 28 Days Later.



DO WE SMELL SAME LEVELNESS?

All season Don has been an outright prick to Peggy. But now that their ~bonding~ sesh has taken them to the next level, it looks like all of their demons have been aired out.



AWW

There’s really only one thing we can say: ljalklsfkjalskdjlaksalkgt. So, is Don perhaps going to start taking it easy with the drinking? Kind of sounds like it, no? There was an exorcism in the offices of SCDP.



“OPEN OR CLOSED?” — PEGGY

“OPEN,” SAYS DON

WE THINK HE MEANT THE DOOR TO HIS HEART

What did you guys think of the episode? Disagree with any of my above assessments? There’s a comments section, friends, get in there.

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This month, recent solo artist responsible for the hit “Billionaire” Travie McCoy is this month’s VH1 Posted artist. What does that mean for you and me? Other than being able to access new Travie content every day over at VH1.com, it means that we had the chance to sit down with Travie for a very special episode of “Happy Hour.”

You know the drill: Me + 2 glasses of fig vodka + celebrity guest = HILARIOUSLY GREAT TIMES. And Travie was the ideal guest, in that he was equal parts flirt, funnyman, solid drinker, and game. Also this is what happens when I do my own hair and makeup in 10 minutes before drinking 3 shots of vodka. I’m not proud of it.

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Stay tuned tomorrow when we’ll bring you sordid OUTTAKES from this very interview!

Gavin Henson, the rugby player we’ve heard of because he poses naked in things, has again posed naked in a thing — this time, he’s posing naked in Cosmopolitan to raise awareness for male cancer, which is certainly an admirable use of nudity, but am I wrong to be slightly unnerved by his decision to pose naked next to two huskies blocking his penis?

That question was rhetorical. I am not wrong for being unnerved by that, because this photo is unnerving. It has unned my nerves.

I’m not suggesting that this photo implies that Henson had sex with those huskies, just pointing out that us human beings rarely get naked and hang out with animals on purpose. Unless, of course, cottage cheese is involved. And if that’s the case, then he’s off the hook. Otherwise it’s just weird.

Watch out, Bristol Palin, Hugh Grant in About A Boy is coming after YOU! YOW-ZA!

You see, the joke there is that Hugh Grant’s character in About A Boy hit on single moms. Or, “mums.” Anyways. This is just a taste of what you’ll be seeing outfit-wise, Bristol Palin-wise, DWTS-wise.

Palin had previously told PEOPLE magazine:

“I think I will be the most dressed [contestant and have] the most modest outfits for sure because that’s who I am,”

Fair. The fringe really does cover up the see-through lace situation in some key areas. But unless that is a spandex flesh colored body suit, we’ll be seeing a while lotta Palin leg. I think the modesty of her outfit is directly proportional to the modesty of her acting. Which is to say, very modest, but not modest at all in certain ways. Because terrible things are inherently not modest.

Via Huffington Post

Here’s Lady Gaga on the cover of Vogue Hommes Japan naked and covered in meat. This photo has nothing to do with PETA, though it does nicely reflect PETA’s standard confusingness-of-message; are we supposed to be against meat because it’s keeping us from seeing her boobs, or in favor of the meat because eating it will result in us seeing her boobs? Or was Lady Gaga just wearing some meat one day and they snapped a photo of her?

Check the ol’ “Covered In Meat Magazine Cover” off her Shock Value List. Next up: Posing naked and drenched in plasma in a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit, for the cover of Car And Driver.

(via Dlisted)